Electricity
by Anna Coulter
Summary: Things are changing for Brenda.She is fighting for her dream of becoming an actress but nothing is as easy as it seemed. She thinks she has forgotten BH but when Dylan goes to London to get her back she will have to decide, whether to do what she wants t
1. Under Brenda's shadow

**I know Brenda looks kind of bitchy in this chapter. I love Brenda, sadly I had to write about what I thought Donna and Kelly would think about her. It is a mean chapter I know, I didn't want to write it like this but I had to. I kind of feel sorry for Bren.**

Chapter 1

Under Brenda's shadow

The rain drops were crashing against the windows and making a furious noise, the sky was completely gray which was unusual in West Beverly Hills, it was near seven in the afternoon but it seemed much later, and there she was, the unique Kelly Taylor staring at a picture she had hidden a long time ago. A picture taken a long time ago, when she met Brenda. They had been best friends, oh yeah. In the beginning they had been best of the friends, to the point that they have shared everything, and done everything together. However, life went on and things changed. They shared a lot of good memories but none of them seemed to matter anymore.

When she first met Brenda, she had met a shy girl, always afraid to say and act the way she was. Brenda was always trying to make it up for Kelly, even if she hadn't done anything wrong, and that was why Kelly liked her so much. Brenda was loving and caring, somewhat like everyone's little sister, which worked fine for Kelly. She smiled remembering the first time she saw Brenda, she was just walking in the class and looked really scared of the new high school, and even though it was true that she had only talked to Brenda because she didn't want to be the partner of a fat girl, the truth was that she had liked Brenda very much.

No, she had started to hate Brenda for three reasons, the first one was Brandon Walsh. She would never the be someone really important to Brandon Walsh, and even if she did, she would always be under Brenda's shadow. Brandon would always put Brenda before everything else, including Kelly, after all, Brenda was his twin. Brenda was a part of Brandon's soul and Kelly hated that. She would have taken it was another girl, she would even have taken it if it was Andrea, but not Brenda. No, not Brenda. Brenda was her rival in every single aspect in life and the truth was that Brenda would always win, well, not always, she had Dylan…she was a 'we' while Brenda was an 'I'.

The second reason was, that Brenda was simply popular for who she was. People didn't call Brenda a bitch, well sometimes, but not enough times anyway. Brenda was everything that everyone loved, she was smart, freaking brave and lovely. Even Kelly Taylor knew that. Kelly was the girl everyone wanted to spend a nigh with, Brenda was the one that people addressed like, 'someone I could love'. They couldn't love Kelly, they had to love Brenda. Super Brenda, friendly Brenda, smart Brenda…Brenda wasn't that smart, she was a freak out girl, according to Kelly. Brenda was, and would always be, everything that is wrong with teenagers. Just like Kelly herself but people wouldn't blame Kelly as much as they blamed Brenda, that was why she liked Brenda. She liked Brenda struggling, calling for Kelly's help, her help. It always made her feel so, powerful. Yet, Brenda didn't need help anymore did she?

The third and most important reason was Dylan McKay, she had had an interest in the McKay since they first met. Dylan was the bad guy and of course, the hot guy. The kind of guy Kelly liked, the kind of guy that didn't like Kelly. Why? Reasons Kelly would never understand. When Brandon and Dylan stared hanging out together, she secretly hoped that one day Dylan would look at her and realize that he needed her. It sort of happen like that, just, Dylan didn't look at Kelly, he looked at Brenda. Although he went to Kelly after Brenda, he chose Brenda over Kelly when he could have her right away. Secretly, she stared hating Brenda since the very first moment Dylan kissed her, just because that kiss would always haunt Kelly. Dylan never kissed Kelly with that intensity or that love. He always kissed Kelly with pleasure and passion, sometimes, even with a shadow of love, but never the way he kissed Brenda. Kelly knew that Dylan couldn't den it, he was still in love with Brenda Walsh. After all, he loved Brenda, not Kelly, but Brenda.

It didn't matter, Brenda would be gone in less than a week and her nightmare would he over. Everyone would be better, even Brenda herself, although Kelly couldn't care less. In less than a week Brenda would leave and hopefully never come back so Kelly would have Dylan forever. Once Dylan stopped seeing Brenda every day, everything would be fine. Dylan would love Kelly. Period.

She stared at another picture, one she liked. Dylan's arms were wrapped around Kelly, about to kiss her at lunch, under their tree. The whole gang was there, including Brenda who was laid on Brandon's lap. She saw something she had never seen before in that picture; Dylan was smiling, but he wasn't looking at Kelly, he was looking…he was looking at Brenda! He was staring at Brenda and smiling at Brenda…Kelly felt like her world was going down again, under Brenda's shadow.

At that moment, Donna walked in the room. She looked perfect, as always. Kelly didn't care, no matter how hard Donna tried, she would never be as perfect as Kelly. She sat on the bed by Kelly's side.

"Have you heard?" Donna asked with a smile.

"About what?" Kelly asked rudely

"About Bren! She is going to London to the Royal Aca…" Donna started to say. She was excited for Brenda, after all what happened, the girl deserved some happiness and although she didn't want Brenda to leave she knew it would be for the best. Just like Brenda did.

"Fuck I know!" Kelly snapped feeling how the anger boiled her veins. "Perfect Brenda is going to London and we aren't. So what? Is not like it is the best place to live anyway. She will end up living in a cracked and torn apartment and working dong crappy soap commercials while we have everything here, in Beverly hills! What is it so exciting about London? I would be mad if I was forced to move out Beverly Hills. And, we have the best actors here, why the hell is she going to the little London? I'll tell you why, she knows she can't make it here because she is a fraud"

Kelly said all that without thinking, but she really meant it. It was what she had been wanting to yell since she heard 'the news' about Brenda. Breaking news, the bitch is leaving. So what? Who cares? Not Kelly Taylor anyway. "Why is Brenda so especial anyway?"

"I don't know" Donna lied. She admired Brenda because Brenda would make mistakes. Brenda would be knocked down and get right back up because she was a fighter. Brenda would say "Stop it!" when she really meant it. She would put everyone before herself, even if it meant to lose what she wanted most. Just like Dylan, Brenda could have had Dylan, she would have to have gone to Dylan's and forced him to say, I love you, and Dylan would forget about Kelly but Brenda never…She was never in the way. Her one true love cheated on her and, yes, she got mad, but she never went to haunt Kelly, she dragged with it. She admitted she had lost, even when the battle was not over. She never meant to hurt Kelly or anyone else and she had faith in Dylan. She knew that sooner or later Dylan would realize. Brenda was always there for everyone, unlike Kelly. Brenda had a voice strong enough to yell for a change and make it happen, she was leaving them because she wasn't happy and she had the courage to admit it. Yeah, Dona envied Brenda as much as Kelly did, but unlike Kelly, Donna admired Brenda.

Donna stared at Kelly and for a second, she wished it was Kelly the one leaving in less than two weeks, not Brenda. She knew that the gang would fall apart after Brenda was gone, it was a countdown and nobody but her seemed to notice.

"You don't like her, do you?" Kelly asked as if she had read Donna's thoughts.

"Of course I don't, I hate Brenda" Donna recited knowing that she wasn't as brave as Brenda. She wasn't brave enough to tell the truth and ignore Kelly's influence. Although, Donna didn't like Brenda very much either. She didn't like Brenda because she had all she wanted, and still, she was hungry for more. Whenever she looked at Brenda she saw everything she (Donna) would have loved to be, all she wasn't. All she didn't have. Donna had expensive cars, a rich family and wonderful friends. She thought she was blessed with the gift of money and powerful, but when she saw Brenda she always realized the truth. That she needed changes as Brenda did, that she was a failure, she felt like her world was no longer enough and hated that Brenda had the guts to look for a change, to dare to look for a change to a even better life, when Donna had to stay home and see another girl living her life. When Donna saw Brenda, she always thought that she would always be walking a path that belonged to another. A path that belonged to Brenda.

For all those reasons, Donna hated Brenda as much as Kelly did. Sometimes even more, because Brenda, oh Brenda…How did she dare to leave them when she knew that everything was going to fall apart without her.

"I think we are done" Kelly said.

"Who?"

"Dylan and I. She loves Brenda" Kelly muttered with anger. "He had always loved Brenda"

Donna stared at her blond friend. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going back to Brandon?"

"What? Kelly…" Donna whined. Kelly smiled and added. "If I can't have Dylan, I am going to have Brandon and keep close to Brenda, so maybe one day, I could hurt her in the same way she has hurt me"

Far away from there, Dylan dropped himself under the rain. Wondering, thinking, staring and glazing at the same time, nothing felt the same. He didn't understand how they had gotten to that point but he felt it was his fault. It would have been better for everyone if he hadn't come along, if he hadn't met Brenda. How could he love Brenda while he was hurting other people? How could he love Brenda while he was hurting Brenda herself? He felt horribly guilty under the rain, but he didn't cry, because tough guys do not cry.

He liked Beverly Hills, the beach, the ocean, the sun but lately he wasn't as attached to Beverly Hills as he used to be. He wanted Brenda, he didn't care where they where, as long as they were together. As long as he could hold her in his arms, everything would be aright.

He had come to the beach because it always calmed him down, it always helped him to think and put his priorities in order, but he didn't have any priorities anymore, at least, no other priorities than Brenda, but it couldn't be. They would always want more than the other could give. He didn't love Kelly but he wasn't going to allow Brenda to break his heart again, he would stick with Kelly because he didn't need to be happy. He would always have Brenda's memory inside his brain and that was something nobody could take away from him. When he thought about Brenda, he didn't feel sad anymore but maybe, homesick. Because his home was wherever Brenda was, and when Brenda was gone he felt like a homeless man with a heart shaped box.

He wished he could talk to her, tell her that she was the woman of his life, beg her not to go, beg her to either take him with her or take his life away because he didn't want to live without her presence, but he knew it wasn't plausible nor reasonable, he knew that if he loved her, if he truly did, he would have to stop being an ass, kiss her and let her go, and blindly trust on their love, hoping that one day, she would come back to his arms so he could hold her so tightly that she would never go away again. There, staring at the waves, he realized that he loved Brenda more and more that there was nothing he could do to keep her with him, he had screwed up many times that he couldn't even count them…although, his love for the girl was the same, and still there, hidden and bottled by his other emotions, or whatever he had within… Nobody knew how much he really missed Brenda but himself and no one would ever know.

He stood up and took Brenda's picture from his wallet, he had always kept it there, the picture of the Prom, oh yeah, he would never forget the Prom, especially because he had been with Brenda, it felt like the entire night was made for them to love each other, to feel each other. The Prom seemed too far away now, but at the same time, he felt like it had just happened yesterday.

"I love you more than this Bren" He said throwing her picture to the ocean. The rain got stronger and the wind blew harder. The picture blew away and Dylan allowed one last cry for the woman who broke his heart…because he forced her to break it.

He knew that he had made the biggest mistake of his life.

**okay, I know the ff is not very clear for now.I just want to let you know what is going on inside the other characters chapters when Bren is about to leave because this ff is centered in feelings, the next chapters are all going to be Brenda centered so this would work as, well , sorta an explanation. Reviews please!**


	2. Parts of her soul

**Disclaimer, I don't own BH 90210, but I own Kali and the mean Alexis muahahahaha.**

**Reviews **

**Shannen1, Thanks for the review! I am so glad I inspired you because I love your ff! I didn't like Kelly either…it is kind of obvious…lol. Any suggestion of how this ff would get better? I hope you review this chapter too.**

**bran&Kel1, I know that Kelly was going out with Brandon but I decided to change that because…well, stuff later on. I just needed Dylan and Kelly to be together so the ff could get going. About Bren and her being good friends, I'm sorry, I don't think Brenda forgave her deep down. I wouldn't have. **

**emelie172, Thanks! I would have gotten this story going without you! Lol. I am glad you like it. I'm gonna try to update the sooner I can!**

Chapter 2

Parts of her soul and a new beginning

Him, his kisses, his hands burning on her skin. She couldn't forget, she wouldn't forget the pleasure, the explosion of bottled feelings, the guilt and again, his hands rolling on her skin, his lips, him. She had been thinking about him since the moment she set a foot in the airport of Los Angeles.

She had sworn to herself that she would have a new beginning away from the money, the luxury, the luxury of a family…but it seemed so much harder than she thought.

Even though she was leaving, she thought that a part of her would never leave Beverly Hills, or Dylan. It is said that when you have sex with a person you love you are giving a tiny piece of your soul to that person. Brenda knew that well, she knew that a part of herself would always be with Dylan, wherever he would go. Also, she would always be with her family, but in a whole different way. She thought about all of them, her compressive mother, her overprotective father, her perfect twin…and Dylan, the four people that would always be connected to her, for all of them, a part of her soul would never leave. A part of her soul, would be there for Kelly Taylor too, supporting her and praying to whoever was listening for a new chance for her friend. All those parts would always be in Beverly Hills, because they simply belonged there, however, it was the part that belonged to Brenda herself the one that could not take living there for longer.

When the airplane flew away from LA, she realized that all those tiny pieces where now gone and she felt empty. She thought about crying but she wasn't sad. She couldn't say she had been happy the last year, her friends were no longer the same people, or she had changed, who knows? The thing was that she didn't feel like part of the gang anymore and it was destroying her. She had felt betrayed and lost, and because of that, done some things she regretted. Things that even though she had done, were completely out of her control. She had felt as if she was trying to stop a train with her own body, and the train kept dragging her down faster and faster until she realized that she couldn't stop it, so she had to jump. That was why she had left, because she needed her time to heal, sink and grow. She had felt so sad minutes before the flew out of LA but now she was above high clouds everything got clear and she felt that she was herself again. She felt free to breathe and rest until the flight was finally over.

She looked over the information of the school again, they didn't have dorms which she didn't like because she didn't have too much money. She hoped she could rent a place but she wasn't sure because London was too expensive, she would have to get a job anyway. She didn't have a car either so she would have to find and alternative way to get to places. She sighted; life in London was not going to be easy, but at least, it was going to be her life.

Suddenly a wave of excitement overwhelmed her and she stopped thinking about BH or Dylan. "Who knows? Maybe moving on is not that hard" She thought.

When the plain landed she found herself hyperactive, she wanted to see the city, to go out and yell that she was finally alive but she knew that all that would have to wait. She needed to find a place to spend the night.

"At least I have enough money to start over" she thought. Of course she had her parents economic support but the purpose of going to London was to get a life of her own, that meant she wouldn't need mom and dad anymore. Although she had said that she wouldn't be moving permanently that was her plan, even if it just felt like a vacation, she knew that it was the beginning of a new life. She decided not to think about it, she was already in London and while a part of her was enchanted by it, the other one screamed to go back to BH to his mothers arms.

She picked up her luggage that was 2 big bags full of clothes, music and some pictures of her family, a couple of books and some stuff she could not live without. The airport was full of people from everywhere in the world, and it seemed like they were all looking for a taxi. For a second, Brenda had fun watching a mother who was arguing with her teenage daughter, a business man really stressed yelling to his assistant, and a cute guy with a very nice tan caring a guitar.

Brenda stared at the guy and remembered Dylan and the type of guys in BH, she wondered if rockers where the substitutes of surfers in London. He had long blond hair and big sunglasses, his clothes were all ripped but they looked oddly new. Brenda had to focus on finding a taxi and by the time she found one, it was raining heavily.

"Damn it!" Brenda said when she got in the taxi. The taxi driver stared at her and started laughing instantly. It was a mid-age white, somewhat fat woman.

"You are American aren't you?" The taxi driver asked, she had a weird accent too. She wasn't English, maybe Portuguese.

"Yeah," Brenda admitted. "I just moved here"

"Really? All by yourself?" The taxi driver asked. Brenda nodded. "You look really young" the taxi driver added. "So, where am I taking you…?"

"I…don't know" Brenda said innocently. "I need to find a place to live" The taxi driver gave her an odd look and rolled her eyes. Brenda rapidly said, "But, I think that I am looking for something in the center, close to the Royal Academy of Drama"

"Are you an actress?"

"Not yet". Brenda realized how miserable her story sounded like, after all, she was an American wet teenager who moved away to become an actress. She was in a foreign country with no place to live.

"I look miserable," She laughed.

"A little" The taxi driver said with a smile on her face. "But this is London, we are all miserable."

Brenda smiled a little relieved. She couldn't believe how far away the center was but she couldn't complain about the trip. The taxi driver was a talkative woman who loved to talk about her two girls and her ex-husband. Brenda avoided everything related to Beverly Hills, she told her neither that she was from BH nor that she had a brother, or even a family. When they finally got to the Academy, Brenda couldn't believe it. It was huge and full of students.

"You should check out the inside. Students usually hang sheets on the walls to find some apartment partner…"Brenda nodded and paid her. "Good luck" The taxi driver said. However, Brenda knew that she would have forgotten her as soon as she drove away. It didn't bother her; she had more important things to think about.

The taxi driver was right; it didn't take her long to find an apartment. The rent was low and it wasn't far away from the academy, for which she was glad because the taxi had been way too expensive.

Brenda knocked on the door and a girl immediately opened. It wasn't the kind of girl that Brenda was used to see. She wasn't gothic but almost. She had dark blond hair with hot pink highlights, her eyes were extremely light brown, and her skin was much paler than Brenda's. She was wearing big baggy black pants and a red shirt with Bob Dylan's picture on it.

"Hi, I'm here for room for rent" Brenda said really politely but a little scared. The girl, who hadn't stopped noticing Brenda's expensive clothes and perfect messed up hair started laughing.

"Have you been kicked out of Beverly Hills or what?" She joked.

"Nah, I left on my own" Brenda joked back. Of course, the girl didn't catch the irony of the situation.

"So you are here for the room?" The girl asked.

"Yup" Brenda nodded. She wasn't so sure that she wanted to live there. She knew that she shouldn't be judging people like that but the girl was a little scary. Overall, she didn't even know how she had been able to kid with that girl, in other circumstances she would have ran off as fast as she could.

"Come in" The girl said. "_God help me_" Brenda thought.

It was a kick-ass apartment, Brenda had to admit it. It wasn't only big but well decorated and nice. She couldn't understand how a gothic girl with hot pink hair could be living there. The apartment had a nice view too.

The girl that had opened the door bounced in to the apartment and yelled, "Alexis! We have a girl interested!"

"Coming" a girl's voice yelled back. A few seconds later a girl came out of a room. It must be Alexis. She looked as odd as the first one. She was wearing a red top with a long white skirt, her hair was some color in between red and orange and her eyes were blue. She wasn't as skinny as the first one, but the first one was almost all bones. "Hi, my name is Alexis" She introduced herself.

"I'm Brenda Walsh" they shook hands. Alexis smiled, she had a really nice smile. "I am interested in the room for rent"

"Yeah sure" Alexis said in a distracted way. She looked older than Brenda but not too old. Probably in her mid twenties. Alexis stared at Brenda. "How old are you?"

"Nineteen, well almost" Brenda said wondering why everyone thought it was so weird that she had moved out at age nineteen.

"Are you American?"

"Yeah. I am from…California"

"I knew she was American!" The first girl said with her voice full of excitement.

"Shut up Kali," Alexis said. "Sorry, this is my step-sister who obviously, is everything but polite!"

"Pleased to meet you" Brenda said.

"Oh, forget the polite crap" Lynn rolled her eyes.

"Kali!"

"What?"

"Don't be a bitch in front of strangers!"

"She is not a stranger, she is gonna live with us!"

"Not if you scare her!"

"I would be more scared from you!" Kali mocked her.

Brenda couldn't help but laugh, for a moment, her mind went back to Minnesota where she grew up with Brandon. They would always pick on each other but in the end they always loved the other. For a second, Brenda wondered if she would be able to live without Brandon, after all, he was his twin and a twin is the closest thing to a soul mate.

"Wanna see the room?" Alexis offered.

"What? Am I in?" Brenda asked.

"Sure. You can pay the rent right?" Alexis asked.

"Yeah, for now" Brenda admitted. "I need to find a job"

"Don't worry, if you can't pay next month she will kick you out!" Kali laughed at her big step sister who flipped her off. "She is kind of mean when she is about to get her period"

"Kiss my ass" Alexis said.

"Okay"

Alexis led her to her room. It wasn't very big and it only had a bed and a small table, which was enough for Brenda. Brenda noticed how sad it looked like and how old the furniture was.

"We just inherited the apartment" Alexis explained. "This was my grandpa's room, you can throw everything away, I never liked him"

Brenda nodded while watching Kali making fun of Alexis. Kali looked much younger, she was probably still in high school. Then, she noticed noise coming from a room that must have been the bathroom.

"Does anyone else live here?" Brenda asked. She wasn't comfortable with the idea of not knowing who she was living with.

"Yeah. Jesse, my stupid brother" Alexis said smiling. "He is in the bathroom half of the day and the other half with his 'rock band'" She explained. Brenda figured that Alexis was a nice person deep down…very deep down, because it sure didn't seem like it. She was just mean and rude.

"He is the cool one of the family," Kali said hugging her step sister who pushed her away and then pulled her into a hug again. Even if she was a little freaked out, she was glad that she had found a place to stay so quickly, although she felt a little rejected by Alexis. She wished she was nicer; it would have helped a lot.

"So, do you go to the RAD too?" Brenda asked.

"I don't" Alexis said. "I am a vet, I WORK" She added looking at her sister. "I think that actors are all losers who can't do anything else"

In other circumstances, Brenda would have put up with Alexis and fired back but she couldn't. She couldn't get kicked out.

"I do" Kali said. "I want to become a director!"

"Cool" Brenda said. "I am interested in acting" Alexis stared at her and Kali smiled.

"So you are one of those preppy girls who want to be actresses because they are totally dumb?" Alexis asked sharply. _Wow, she does know how to make someone feel like at home. _Brenda sarcastically thought. "I was just kidding" Alexis said.

"Now you have to say 'kiss my ass'" Kali explained.

"Okay…wait, why?" Brenda asked.

"Our rule. Someone is rude to you, you say, 'kiss my ass'" Kali said as if it was obvious.

"Kiss my ass" Brenda said weakly.

"Yeah!" Both step sisters yelled.

Then, Alexis announced that she was going out and that she wouldn't be back until the next morning. Brenda was allowed to go to her room and unpack while Kali went through all her stuff. They both laughed and Brenda realized that Kali was nothing like Alexis, in fact, Kali was nothing like any girl Brenda had met before. Around thirty minutes later, they heard the door again.

"That was Jesse" Kali explained grabbing a picture of Brenda and Dylan hugging at the beach. "Wow. He is gorgeous! Who is it?"

Brenda stared at the pictured and faked a smile. "He is no one" She grabbed the picture and threw it away. "I don't know how this got here"

The memory of her family and Dylan hunted her the entire night, and would keep hunting her forever. That night, Brenda lay on her bed and though about everything that happened the past year. She realized how depressed she had been at sometimes without even realizing…She promised to herself that it was going to be different, it had to be different.

Brenda felt totally broken that night, she felt how every single good memory betrayed her and stabbed her heart and dared to fall asleep while trying to hide her sobs with the pillow. That night, Brenda cried more than ever and she didn't even know why. She cried for the present and the past, it felt like every single bottled feeling was coming out. She wished she had Brandon, Dylan, her mother…anyone, to comfort her but that wasn't going to happen. They were back at Beverly Hills and they were living without her. She was the one supposed to move on…not them. "They are no one. They don't matter anymore" Brenda told herself before she finally fell asleep after crying for almost two hours. What hurt her the most? That no one was aware of her pain, just like at home but with one difference; she was totally alone. She wondered if she had made the right choice by leaving or just taken the easy way out.


	3. Lyrics of a lifetime

Bran&Kel1, I'm glad you like it! Thanks a lot for the review. I don't think I'll have Brenda going back to BH though. However, you guys will see Bren and Dylan fighting for their relationship once again and for all.

Shannen1,I totally agree with you besides, I am having so much fun writing about Brenda's roomies. I always thought that BH90210 had to get a little bit more funny and wilder…oh well. It is my fav show anyway. Thanks for the review.

emelie172, hi! Thanks for reviewing me this ff too! It really means a lot to me

N/A I'm sorry if I can't update as soon as I would like to. It is because I gotta fight to get to use the computer…I used to have my own back at home, but oh well. Never mind.

**Chapter 3**

**Lyrics of a life time**

When Brenda finally got home she was totally exhausted but happy. She had just gotten paid and had an entire week off. She had to admit that her job was a royal pain. She had been living in London for almost four months and things that had been weird in the beginning had become part of her routine. She still lived with the step sisters and she had gotten a job in a pub. She wasn't a show girl or anything but she did serve alcohol. That was one of the good things of Europe, the drinking age was 18. Brenda didn't drink very often and sometimes she thought that she was the only person with a little of brain besides Alexis who was too caught up in her daily affairs. She knew that she had come there to act but it wasn't that easy. She had gotten some jobs as an actress, mainly in local plays and T.V commercials but nothing as big as she hoped for. She felt a little bit like a failure but she didn't have much time to think about it. Her schedule was crazy, she worked 9 pm to 5 am at the pub and then she had to go to the academy at 7; 30 am and she got out at 2.15 am. She felt like she was in high school all over again. If she thought about it, she didn't even have time to sleep. She was glad she didn't have to go to the academy every day, just Mondays and Wednesdays.

That night she was especially tired, things at the pub had gotten a little wild. This one drunken guy had tried to break some other guy's legs. The drunken guy, called Scotty had been thrown out but not before he made a imperial mess that Brenda had had to clean later. She had called the guy every single swear word she knew but of course, in her mind. She didn't want to get fired because believe it or not she liked the job. The pay check was really good and she met people and listen to the music she liked. However she knew that she wouldn't be able to keep up with that kind of life for much longer. Although there was something she feared more than the daily routine; her parents. They were nice and all but she knew that they would never accept that their little princess was working serving alcohol at age 19. They would freak out. They were freak out parents anyway. She was afraid they wouldn't approve her life style, the life style that she loved. She had even gotten a motorbike! She never thought she would have one but now she was used to it she liked it better than a car.

She tried not to wake up anyone but then she realized that it was Friday night so no one but Alexis would be at home and Alexis was the hardest person to wake up in the world. However, the lights in the apartment were on and she could hear the TV. She went to the living room and saw Kali sleeping –and drooling—on the couch. She looked kind of cute when she was asleep. At least she wasn't scary. Brenda wasn't scary of her anymore but sometimes her craziness still shocked her. Brenda stared at the TV and realized what Kali was watching. She couldn't help but start laughing hysterically, Kali was watching porn. In fact, Kali was the first person that had fallen asleep while watching porn. There were beers all over the table and Brenda noticed that Kali's face was red and wet. Brenda stopped laughing immediately. She turned the TV off so Kali wouldn't have to deal with Alexis asking stupid questions, after all, it was just porn. She sat on the couch and stroked the Kali's hair. She shook her a little bit but Kali just groaned and went back to sleep.

"Fine. Whatever" Brenda told to herself. She would ask her the next day. Brenda was too tired to even try to get any answers, besides, Kali would probably be totally wasted by that time so to let her sleep was the best thing Brenda could do. She sighed, she spent 8 entire ours serving alcohol and then when she got home, what did she find? Her teenager roommate totally wasted. She went straight to her room and put her pajama on. Actually it was just a pair of shorts and a long t-shirt from her high school. She went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and in her way, she noticed light coming from Jesse's room. She didn't know Jesse very much but she liked him a lot. He wasn't just funny but really hot and honest. She hadn't met a guy that was more honest than Jesse. That Jesse guy was always saying what he thought when he thought it. He didn't care about what people thought about him and that was why Brenda liked hanging out around him. The same with Kali, she remembered when they went to a soccer game with Jesse and Kali. Brenda was expecting a kind of prep school soccer game but they took her to a quite peculiar game, a professional game that ended with people going totally insane on their seats yelling and cheering. She had a lot of fun. Also she liked Jesse a lot because whenever she was around him she didn't think about Dylan. She didn't like Jesse as a boyfriend, he was too crazy for her but as a friend he was the best. She knocked on his door and heard his voice saying, "Come in"

"Hi Jesse, nice outfit" Brenda laughed at him. He was sitting in front of his computer in his pj, a bathrobe and a Rolling Stone T-shirt.

"Not as fancy as yours" Jesse said staring at her. "So how come you are not in bed already?"

"I work at the 'Déjà vu' remember?"

"Oh yeah. I thought you would have quit by now"

"Yeah, me too. So what are you doing up so late?" Brenda asked him. The only times Jesse had been up so late had been when he went partying or playing video games with his friends and making a lot of noise.

"I am trying to finish this goddamn song" Jesse said. "I should have written it a few weeks ago, but I am blocked!" Brenda laughed. A few weeks ago meant months ago. Jesse was in a rock band called "Giants in the Sky" They were pretty good and they were recording their first album. Brenda knew who stressed Jesse was even if he didn't show it. They had to write twelve songs and they needed the last one by next day.

"What's the song about?" Brenda asked. "I'll try to help you"

"No way" Jesse laughed. "I don't want my first album to be a girly song about your asshole snobby boyfriend"

"Hey Dylan isn't an…"Brenda started to say without thinking. It was the first time she had talked about Dylan. Jesse gazed at her and smiled. He was charming and annoying. "Okay. Get fired, it is not my problem"

"Damn it. You are right. I'm sorry" Jesse said. "Will you help me?"

"No"

"What?"

"You don't want a girly song do you?"

"Brenda!"

"Yes?" Brenda stared at her smiling and the poor guy looked at her with a doggie face. "Okay, just don't look at me like that again. Ever" Jesse jumped on her and hugged her. "You are the best snobby girl ever! I love you soooooooo much"

"Exactly. You better not forget it" Brenda hugged him too. "Now, lets get started"

"Don't you want to sleep?"

Brenda grabbed Jesse's energy drink and drank it all in a second. He stared at her with his mouth kind of open. Brenda kept surprising him, she was snobby and all but he liked being around her, she was always funny and really sweet. Although, she was able to kick his ass in less than half a second. He knew that, even if she didn't want to talk about it, she missed America and her family so he tried to be the nicest he could be. During the first few months he would always listen her crying until late hours at night but he was glad that she had calmed down. Brenda Walsh could look really strong but deep inside she was just a child. He was amazed of how emotionally weak and innocent she was. She walked around with that tough girl cover but she was nothing like that. In fact, she was amazingly loving, caring and responsible. "So what is this song about?"

"Huh?" Jesse was stunned looking at her. He knew he had nothing to do with her; she was out of his league and in love with another guy. That would be the luckiest man alive. "The song is about this one guy who is sick of phony people and his life style but he can't really do anything about it. He was fallen in depression and blown his friends off and he feels alone and all." Brenda's mind went straight back to Dylan. She smiled slightly. "And high school and all…it is about what it feels when high school is over and you know you can't go back to your old life. About people that shine in high school and they people just forget them"

Brenda wondered if that would happen to her. Would her friends forget her? She started to realize that she didn't really care. She remembered high school with nostalgia and said, "That is a deep song you know? Any name?"

"Such better days"

"Awesome"

"I kind of have a begining" Jesse said searching for it. His table was full of papers, empty cans and junk. Finally, he pulled up a paper with a huge ketchup stain on it. His room wasn't much better, it was hard to believe that he was in his twenties. He was twenty one but he acted like he was seventeen years old. His room was a mess. The wall was wrapped up with posters of the Rolling Stones, the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Bob Marley…pictures of his friends and lyrics of old songs. "What do you think about this, **'_I never thought we would get this far / running scared armed with my guitar / I never thought I would miss those all days at school / Who would have known we were losers acting cool / no wonder why we always got thrown out if all what he did was horse around. I made my choice, I didn't think at all and now I don't think I hurt enough" _**

He had started playing guitar too. The song was kind of slow and melancholic but also full of hope and spirit. Brenda could feel that while he kept singing, "_**I never thought I would really miss al those mistakes / Senior year such better days / Days when I still felt alive, we could have run together / I stare at the wall and I can't help but see your face saying your famous phrase / Oh hell senior year such better days / Yes we tried, but the days were over and we didn't survive /No one knows how I miss those days when I still felt alive./ But all is gone and we have to move on. Another six months and you won't know me anymore"** _After that, Brenda got totally caught up with the song that got crazy fast and loud. Jesse had started to enjoy singing the song and when the chorus started he was already smiling and excited, **_"You know I am not the one you knew back in high school, never proud always loud yelling and standing right out of the crowd / You thought I would never change, I know it is strange but I am out your drama exchange / Cause I don't wanna waste my time / become a social failure of hypocrisy and I'll never fall again, I'm sorry but your lies and driving me insane" _**

Jesse stopped and stared at Brenda who was smiling stupidly. He smiled her and asked, "So what do you think?"

"I think it is amazing," Brenda said being completely honest. In fact, she realized that she felt like talking about Beverly Hills with Jesse. She didn't know why but she felt like the guy had much more in common with her than what he said. "It reminds me to my senior year"

Jesse smiled at her and said, "That is the point"

"No seriously" Brenda said a little pissed off. "It reminds me to my senior year. It was full of drama. My friends lied to me, my one true loved cheated on me…" Brenda stopped. She had said 'one true love' she didn't mean it. Did she? No, she didn't think about Dylan like that did she? No, not anymore. She was trying to forget him… "I thought I loved him. Oh what the hell, never mind" Brenda tried to smile and look down like she always did but Jesse turned to her side and grabbed her hand. "Look at me" he said with his rough but beautiful voice. Brenda's eyes met with his gorgeous light brown eyes. Brenda realized that they were that light that looked kind of yellow. They did match with his hair that was all messy and color sand. Some color in between light brown and blond. They stared at each other for a second and then they started getting closer and closer. Brenda wondered if she really wanted to kiss the guy or it was just an easy way to get Dylan out of her head. Jesse knew that he wanted to kiss her, no wonder, Brenda was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen and that was why he didn't want to play with her. Also, he admired her. She had chased her dreams and ended up away from her family and friends, away from everything she had ever known just because of a dream. He could never be able to do that but yet he wished he was a bold as Brenda. Finally, when they were so close than their lips were already crying out loud for more Brenda backed off and grabbed another of Jesse's pop cans and drank. "Lets get back to work"

Jesse started laughing and nodded. "I had a pretty fucked up senior year too" He suddenly remembered. "My best friends, Evan Standlater and James Holden, and I were never too happy. We went to a goddamn prep school for guys. It sucked. They would always advertise themselves as a great school, _modeling young man since I don't know when _they would always say. I'm telling ya, it was fucked up. I didn't know a goddamn good guy in the entire school, well, my best friends but hey were pretty fucked up too. The old Standlater had been kicked out of like four schools before coming to that one and Holden was kind of a jock but I'm pretty sure he works at McDonalds now…Oh well. We had hell of fun…until Standlater started doing drugs. I wasn't my goddamn fault but I blamed myself so I ended up dropping out and all. My little brother died and I wasn't too good, I started doing drugs too. He was a good guy, he really was, his name was Duncan and boy, he was smart. He was a freshman back then but he was twice smarter than me. He liked soccer, he was a good kid. You would have liked him…He liked poetry…that is why I started writing music…he…he had this soccer ball singed by his favorite player, he took it everywhere with him. He was real good, he had a 4.0 GPA. I'm telling ya…he was real smart" Jesse's eyes were filled by tears of anger. He tried not to look at Brenda but she had noticed. They were still holding hands so Brenda squeezed his hand. She knew how he felt; she could never take losing Brandon. She missed him to much but at least they talked on the phone sometimes. "What happened?" She asked.

"A car crash" Jesse explained. "Alexis was driving…she wasn't feeling good. She asked me to drive but I couldn't because I was fucking drunk. If I hadn't been drunk I would have been the one driving and not her. She passed out while driving and we crashed" Jesse told her wondering why he was telling her all that.

"I'm so sorry" Brenda said horrified. She thought about Alexis, she probably felt guilty about it. "It wasn't your fault Jesse. You can't beat your self over it" It was breaking her heart, she couldn't take seeing Jesse like that, so…weak. So vulnerable. "You made a mistake, so what? It could have happened anyway"

"It wouldn't have happened to me" Jesse said hurt. He grabbed a picture from his night table and showed it to Brenda. It was a kid, he looked a lot like Jesse but his eyes were a lot bigger. He was wearing a soccer uniform and holding his signed ball. "Old Duncan. You would have liked him" He looked down and a tear dropped down his face.

"Come on Jesse" Brenda said wrapping her arms around him. She sat on his lap and he hugged her by her waist. "It wasn't your fault. It really wasn't"

"Yeah. Well, there nothing I can do about it so, I try not to think about it" Jesse said noticing that she smelled like orange. He laughed, it was a weird smell but it was good. Brenda sat on the bed again and grabbed the paper with the song again. "I have an idea. How about if you repeat this chorus once again and then say something like **'_And you don't know how much I regret my mistakes. I'm sorry, I really am, but it was way too much to take. I never thought I would leave that world behind but the truth is that you are always in my mind.'_** And then go with the chorus again and say, **'_I couldn't wait to be gone / now I stare at the wall all alone / I never wanted to be gone, please, tell Kel it is not her fault'" _** Brenda ended, "And then the chorus again"

"Kel?"

"Damn it!" Brenda said. The truth had sneaked out again. Secretly, she feared that Kelly thought that it was her fault that she had left. It wasn't. Just as Jesse had said, she was chasing her dream not blaming anyone. She knew that many people in BH blamed themselves. Cindy probably blamed herself because she thought she hadn't been a good mother to protect her child but Kelly, that really killed her. She considered Kelly a good friend, a little untrustworthy but a good friend. She was till mad at her yes, but she kind of missed her too. She would never figure herself out.

"Sorry. She was my best friend, well, not when I left. We were kind of like fighting over this one guy…oh my god we were so lame!" Brenda told to herself almost yelling. Jesse had gone through a hell and she felt bad because after all, she had been mad for nothing. She hadn't had a problem as big as Jesse's but she had always felt that people should feel sorry for her. It had been pretty selfish.

"Hey listen" Jesse said with a new happy voice. "Aren't you trying to be an actress?"

"You said it. Trying" Brenda laughed. "Big roles run away from me"

"I need an actress for this video for the MTV. Our agent has gotten us a chance to promote ourselves at the British MTV. Are you interested?"

"Yes!" Brenda said without thinking much. It wasn't the role she was waiting for but at least, it was better than Jacuzzis commercials or serving alcohol. "What song?"

"What do you think about his one?" Jesse handed her a paper. Brenda read over it and smiled. It was about a person, it wasn't defined if it was a boy or a girl, that wanted people to back of and let him or her live. "Close the goddamn door and back off?" Brenda read the title.

"Yeah, well…"Jesse started laughing. "Will ya do it?"

"Yeah, of course" Brenda said. "When do I start?"

"Next week"


	4. 180 degrees

**Finally, done with Finals, done with my novel, done with everything. People, I am so happy. Today, I am just writing until I fall sleep right here. Lol. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Some people are coming over!**

**Chapter 4**

**180 degrees**

Brenda was walking down the Oxford Street while staring at all the stores and bright lights. There was no doubt that the Oxford Street was what gave the city its life. There was this store—Hamleys—that she had her brother adored when they were kids. A tear attempted to break out of her eyes but she fought it off. There was no reason to cry. Although, the memories from a lifetime that she had left behind months ago kept coming back. She remembered when their parents took them to London when they were in fourth grade. Brandon spent the whole trip trying to go to the gigantic toy store and their father—Jim—got mad because he said they weren't appreciating the true beauty of London, that they were only thinking about shopping. Good Jim, Old Jim, he was right. They walked miles around the city and saw all the monuments, museums, parks, all the places worth seeing, but deep down, what they wanted to do was to go to the toy store. They were kids, who could blame them? Jim got mad anyway, he said that one day, they'd regret it. However, now she had lived there for almost six months, she had realized what the true beauty of London was. The beauty of London resided in the people, in its spirit, in the red phone boxes, the black taxis, the small and windy streets, RADA, the palace of Buckingham and its stoic guards, the Big Ben, the power of the queen, the St James Park, the museums, all of that made London beautiful and unique. However, there was something that—to Brenda—meant more that all those places together, and that place was Hamleys. She remembered this white stuffed dog she got there, she still had it. She had been so happy when she got it, because her friend, Lisa, had one. Lisa always used to tell her how she had gotten the stuffed dog in London, and how she couldn't get in the U.S. It was kind of mean. Brenda stared at the store and smiled, probably, many more kids inside the store were as happy as she had been that day almost ten years ago.

"Are you okay Bren?" Kali asked. Brenda turned around and nodded. "You don't look alright"

"I'm kind of homesick"

"Do you miss your family?"

"I miss the weather!" Brenda whined. She missed her family too but as long as she didn't admit it everything would be alright. "In California you know, we had sun and all"

"Why don't you invite them over?"

"Invite who, the sun?"

"Your family you goof"

"Oh, you wouldn't like them"

"Why not?"

"They are just different"

"different how?"

"Kali," Brenda faced her. "Has anyone ever told you that when someone avoids your questions is because that someone doesn't want to answer?"

"Alexis a million times. Why don't you want to answer my questions?"

Brenda started laughing. She had almost forgotten that Kali was the kind of teenager that doesn't give up. Sometimes Alexis would yell at her so hard that she thought that she was going to fall dead out of breath, but Kali would always ask some stupid question, sometimes, the question was so funny that even Alexis would laugh. Jesse was kind of like that too.

"You were different when you came you know? You were all preppy and repellent…"

"Hey!"

"Alright, alright, you weren't repellent, but you were preppy and we liked you. So why wouldn't we like your family?"

"I am not like my family, I have never been"

"I am not like my family either and they are not so bad, they are just not as cool as me"

Kali jumped on her feet and Brenda started laughing again. Kali always made her feel happier. She was a great kid. "Okay, okay, I'll tell you about them" Brenda said laughing and rolling her eyes. "My brother Brandon—

"The hot blond guy?" Kali interrupted.

"Yes, him" Brenda said with a smile. "Is kind of like—

"I'm sure he is like superman, he is so hot! He should be a model, he is really really really hot!" Kali said really fast. "Is he a good kisser?"

"How could I possibly know! He is my brother!" Brenda snapped. "Do you want me to tell you about them or not?"

"Yeah"

"Then shut up" Brenda laughed.

"Okay" Kali said. Brenda rolled her eyes and went on with her story. "Brandon is this kind of guy that always listens, and understands, he would help anyone. For example, if he has something you really like, like, I don't know, like a poster, or a music CD, and you tell him that you really like it; he would give it to you. Or maybe, he would leave it on your bed or something, but he would give it to you anyway" Brenda stopped and looked at Kali who seemed to be listening. She went on, "Sometimes, when I am sad, I talk to him, I know it sounds crazy, I know he is not there, but I know that he will be listening. My dad, my dad is a lot like Brandon, more like an ultraconservative Brandon and overprotective, too overprotective. He is a pain in the ass sometimes but he loves us. My mom, she is like my best friend. I can tell her everything, well, I can try…" Kali started laughing. Brenda did too. She felt good, she felt warm. Maybe remembering wasn't so bad after all.

"What?" Brenda asked.

"It sounds like a great family"

"Yeah, so?"

"Why did you leave then? Don't give me the actress crap"

Brenda started laughing again. "Sometimes you just need a change you know?"

"But—why?"

"I can't explain it Kali, I just needed to get out for a while"

"So you are going back some day?"

"I don't know"

"But you want to go back?"

"I don't know"

"Will you stop talking to us if you leave?"

"Of course not!" They kept silence for a minute and then, Brenda said. "Hey, lets get heading back. I am freezing my ass off" Kali nodded and they started walking towards the apartment. It was late, dark and windy, their noses were red and they were really, really, reconsidering the idea of going for a walk every day. They did it a lot during the summer when Brenda wasn't working, however, now she had a whole week off, it was so cold that they couldn't go out without getting frozen alive.

"Hey!" A boy said. He had run towards Brenda. "You are the girl of the clips! Giants in the Sky!"

"Yeah" Brenda said a little confused. The group had gotten really famous and the clips had been a million times in the MTV and all the music channels but she wasn't famous at all. In fact, no one had noticed her before. Ever. It kind of felt good anyway.

"Can you sign this for me please?" The boy almost pleaded. He handed Brenda a single called, 'The ghost of my house" The single had Brenda's face on the cover. She looked really…dark. Her hair was really black and the make up made her look extra pale. She was kind of fading and Jesse was behind her picture with a black rose in his hand. It was kind of creepy but really cool.

"Sure" Brenda said feeling awkward. "What's your name?"

"Dylan"

"Wh..What?" She asked weakly. "Sorry, I didn't get that"

"Ralph Dylan, but people always call me by my last name"

Brenda nodded and wrote a little note and signed it. The boy went back with his friends smiling and almost jumping, Brenda however, wondered if the world was playing against her. She couldn't have Dylan but everything reminded her to him.

"That was weird" Brenda said.

"That was AWESOME" Kali yelled jumping up and down. "Now can you sign me my single, pleaseee"

"Oh shut up" Brenda laughed. "I'm not famous"

"You will be," Kali said.

"Yeah right" Brenda shook her head. "I don't think so"

"Jesse is going to be like John Lennon and you are going to be like Yoko!

"No freaking way" Brenda laughed, she never liked the Yoko chick "I'd never marry Jesse"

"But he likes you and you like him"

"No, I don't."

"Well, you spend helluva time together"

"So? We WORK together"

"So you guys are good friends"

"Yes, so?"

"Brenda he likes you! All the songs he writes are about you"

Brenda shook her head and opened the door of the apartment, she couldn't believe they had argued the whole way back home. She could smell the spaghettis that Alexis was cooking"

"Hey, we are back" Brenda announced and walked in the kitchen. "That smells really good" She said. Alexis smiled and said, "I know, I am so hungry"

"Me too" Brenda said

"Me three"

"So how was the walk, cold huh?"

"A boy stopped Brenda to sign him a single!" Kali laughed. "And I told Brenda that Jesse liked her but she doesn't believe it"

"Of course he likes you" Alexis said. "He writes all his songs about you"

"No he doesn't. Name one"

"The Ghost of my house" Alexis said.

"Breaking news Alexis, I am not dead" Brenda laughed while she grabbed a magazine and sat on the couch.

"The song is about a girl that walks around his house feeling empty because she has lost something and a part of her soul is dead" Alexis explained. "You know that"

"Maybe some songs are about me, but that is only because I am supposed to _act _them" Brenda pointed.

"What about 'She cried last night'?" Kali asked. She didn't want to give up on the idea of Jesse and Brenda been together.

"That one is about his girlfriend being in love with another man and he letting her go. I'm not his girlfriend" Brenda argued.

"Oh C'mon, Bren you know better. You have to read between lines"

"Yeah well, I am kind of hard today, I think I'll just read my magazine and…"

"Oh by the way, your mother called" Alexis suddenly remembered. "Jesse picked it up"

"WHAT?"

"Don't worry, he passed it to me. They asked if they could come over for New Year's Eve"

"WHAT?"

"I said that I didn't think there would be any problem"

"WHAT?"

"The hot guy is comin'!"

"They are bringing your brother too, and I think one of his friends…I think. Your mom sounded very nice and…." Alexis started commenting how nice Brenda's mom sounded like while Brenda had to sit up and breathe. She could barely think. Now she couldn't call back and say to her mother that she didn't want to see her because she did want to see her but she couldn't see Dylan, yes, she betted her head that that friend that was coming over was Dylan. She couldn't face him. Besides, she didn't want her mother to know she was working at a bar. Her mother didn't even know that in London, Brenda was legally allowed to drink. When she found out she was going to freak out! And her father, her father would start yelling and make a scene and….he would want her to go home! She didn't want to go home. She could hear her father's voice, no he could see her father yelling "BRENDA, WE ARE GOING HOME"

"Oh my god" Brenda said shaking her head.

"What?" Alexis asked. "It's not a secret that you miss them"

"Of course I do" Brenda snapped. "But Alexis, my parents live in Beverly Hills, when they find out that I work at a bar, that I am legally allowed to drink, that I live with a guy! Oh my god, they already know that I live with a guy! They are going to freak out!"

"Like you right now?" Alexis asked with a funny face.

"And she said she wasn't like her family..." Kali laughed.

"No no, this is going to get ugly…really ugly"

"What is going to get ugly?" Jesse asked walking in the room. He had just gotten out of the shower and was only wearing a towel around his waist that covered him all the way to his knees.

"Oh my god!" Brenda freaked out. "Wait, they called today? They probably had the tickets since I left…They probably were planning on dragging me back home so…"

"What's up with her?" Jesse asked trying not to laugh as hard as the two step sisters were laughing.

"She is freaking out because she thinks her family is going to freak out"

"Because they ARE going to freak out!" Brenda freaked out.

"Why?"

"Her life style" Alexis pointed.

"You living in here and walking around naked"

"Oh, I remember that! She asked me if I lived here—

Brenda jumped on him and grabbed his shoulders. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"I said I didn't live here. I sort of thought that your mom wouldn't like it. I didn't want to get you in trouble" Jesse said trying to get her to sit by his side. Brenda relaxed a little and then apologized. "I am sorry, it is just, my family…"

Kali and Alexis sat on the couch too. It wasn't a very big couch, but they were used to squeeze themselves on that couch because it was the best one in the whole apartment. Alexis grabbed her hands and smiled. "I know we don't know you as well as your family or your old friends do, and I know that although you like us and you trust us, you don't tell us everything…but you have to let go Bren, you have to be who you want to be, no who your family wants you to be. They love you, they'll understand, and if they don't, they don't deserve you. Besides, I don't think that any mother likes that her child goes away to the other side of the world but she let you go because she loved you and she wanted you to be happy, if you are happy, why wouldn't she approve?"

Brenda thought about it. Alexis was right but still, it was different. She didn't know why, she didn't know how to explain it but she knew that her family would make a big deal, although, now she though about it. They didn't have to know that Jesse lived there and they didn't have to know about her job. She could lie, she could say she was going parting. Her mom wouldn't like it anyway but at least, she didn't have to know that she worked around drunken people. That she had access to alcohol without any control. And Dylan, Dylan would either make a scene or ignore her and she couldn't take either one. Dylan would do something crazy, he would come and mess up everything she had worked on and then, when she thought they were finally happy, he would leave…She wouldn't let him break her heart ever again. Even if she had to break his first.

"I guess you are right"

"I am always right" Alexis said. "So, are you ready to see your family, will they be surprised?"

Jesse started laughing all of the sudden. "What?" They all asked.

"I think they have already _seen_ you"

"What do you mean?" Brenda asked.

"Well, our video is going to LA. And if hits as hard as it did here, they are going to be playing in on TV like the whole freaking day."

"Which one?" Brenda asked.

"Such better days" Jesse said.

Dylan groaned in his bed and rolled around. Someone had turned the TV on and he had a big hangover. The rock music coming from the speakers was driving him inside. Besides, they had this horrible English accent that he hated. They had a really hard English hard.

"DUUDDEEE! IT IS BRENDA!" Steve yelled.

Steve and Dylan had decided to share an apartment in LA and he had hated it so far. The bad thing wasn't to live with Steve but to stand all the girls he brought home every single day. Steve always wanted him to do the same, to bring some chick home and give her a big time but he didn't feel like it. In fact, he didn't even enjoy sex as much as he used to. Whose fault was it? Brenda's, there was no doubt. He didn't hate Brenda, he hated himself for letting her go.

"Dude, you are drunk…already" Dylan groaned and tried to go back to sleep.

Steven run in the room and tried to get Dylan out of bed. "Dyl, seriously, is Brenda. She looks all revel and she is even wearing black leather, man, if you miss it, you will regret it your whole goddamn life, and it sucks enough…already"

"Brenda Walsh?" Dylan asked. He didn't believe his friend. Steven pulled him out of bed and dragged him to the living room, which was full of trash and empty cans, clothes, and useless stuff. Dylan couldn't believe what his eyes were seeing. It was Brenda, she looked different though. She looked more like him.

She was wearing a black baggy shirt with the drawing of guitar, a short black leather mini skirt. Dylan couldn't help but obsess with those legs that drove him crazy. She looked so…different and so sexy at the same time. She looked damn sexy.

"How could you let _that hottie _go? Are you gay Dylan?" Steven asked looking at Brenda in the screen. "I mean, man, you had sex with her, you must have seen her naked! Are you blind?"

"Oh shut up you pervert" Dylan said feeling like he wanted to punch Steven in the face. He was a nice guy but he was talking about Brenda—the only girl that he had ever loved—like if she was a piece of meat. Although, at the moment, he couldn't help but imagine an X-rated Brenda, boy was she hot.

"Aren't you going to see her next week?"

"Yeah…" Dylan said silently pleading that the clip would never be over. He wondered what had happened…why would be Brenda acting like that? That wasn't Brenda…or was she? Now he thought about it, he had always been the one with the dark side, what if Brenda had one too but it was too suppressed inside of her? Maybe she just didn't show it because she knew better. Maybe it was just an act. She was an actress, right? She could be acting, of course, she was acting. Dylan tried to convince himself that she was acting.

"Jim and Cindy are gonna freak out" Steven said. "Kelly is going to freak out"

Dylan smiled. For a second, it had seemed like they were back in high school and caught up in the Drama in between Kelly and Brenda. He always had fun with it, even if it only hurt him, deep down, he found it funny.

Dylan attempted to go back to his room but Steve made him sit on the couch. "The interviews to the group"

"I don't give a damn about the group!" Dylan yelled all of the sudden. For some reason he had gotten so mad. He had remembered how heartbroken he was.

"But Brenda—

"She said she was going to come back!" Dylan yelled hurting more than ever. "She said she was going to come back for me! She didn't! Now she has another life, screw her, screw Brenda! If she likes being a whore on the MTV…"

"Dude, Bren is anything but a whore." Steve warned him. He didn't like people talking crap about Brenda.

"I know, but still!" Dylan tried to calm himself down. Then, he saw him, Jesse, talking about his inspiration. "_… Yeah, I found her, she is amazing. We are really close friends so I asked her if she could help us with the clips, … Yeah, she is a great actress we have a lot of fun …"_

"What a phony!" Dylan yelled. "He doesn't know shit about Brenda!"

"_She doesn't talk much about America. … I can't tell you that … Because she trusts me…"_

"She trusts me!" Dylan yelled to the TV being completely childish.

"Dylan, you are talking to the TV" Steve informed him

On TV, Jesse smiled and did crazy stuff with his band while he answered all the questions asked, most of the questions were about the new American girl who seemed to have stolen his heart. " … _No we are not going out"_

"Bastard you better not touch her!" Dylan said getting all mad. "Seriously Steve, as soon as I get to England I am gonna kick that pretty boy's ass so hard that he won't know where the kicks are coming from!"

"He looks like a nice guy! He is just asking questions about Brenda"

"How dare he!" Dylan said. He was pissed but he didn't turn the TV off. "Seriously man, when I see her she has hell of explanation to do!"

"Dylan, she is working. She is not even in there"

"Yes, I thank god for that because if she was the whole world would be drooling and looking at her like pervs, like you!"

"I am not the one that's mad because a rock star is talking about her"

"He is not a star! If he doesn't make it in LA he will never make it in the…"

"_… And the British rock band Giants in the Sky has already sold thousands of albums in London, here in LA, people are desperate to get the album. People, these young men could be the new Rolling Stones! The reporter"_

"Over my dead body!" Dylan crossed his arms shaking his head. "They are just pretty boys."

Steve doubted whether to laugh or not. Dylan had changed so much since Brenda was gone, it seemed like he only was Dylan McKay when Brenda wasn't mentioned. Whenever someone talked about her, he would start denying and behaving like a first grader. He knew how much Dylan was hurting and how bad he missed Brenda…but he also knew how stubborn Dylan was, he knew that the McKay would never admit that he was in love with Brenda if she didn't admit it first. Although, he would go to London just to say hi. Nobody understood Dylan McKay when it was about Brenda, not even Dylan himself.

"I'm bringing her back" Dylan said. "I am so bringing her back"


	5. The Core

_N/A; A little introduction of this chapter, The Walsh family and Dylan have just gotten to London. Brenda introduced them to her roomies and then, she went off to work (she didn't tell where she was going). Dylan and Brenda have not talk about their situation…yet._

**Disclaimer, I don't own BH90210, sadly…I'd be rich and I wouldn't have to be scratching my wallet to get more cds. Oh well…Too bad. Oh, by the way, the song is "If everyone cared" by nickelback. I know is a new band, but hey, who doesn't love them? You just have got to love them. Admit it!**

**Electricity**

**The Core**

"_**From underneath the trees, we watch the sky  
Confusing stars for satellites  
I never dreamed that you'd be mine  
But here we are, we're here tonight"**_

"**_If everyone cared and nobody cried  
If everyone loved and nobody lied  
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride  
We'd see the day when nobody died"_**

Brenda smiled, sort of dancing with the song that was getting into her like a drug. She closed her eyes while she prepared a Mango Margarita, she was so used to it that she could have done it even if she was asleep. Luckily, during the week, the nightlife or nightology—as Jesse called it—was dead, or almost. She didn't have much work and that was why she enjoyed that job so much. The other reason why she was enjoying her job that much was that she got a chance to escape from everything. She took her jacket off, the temperature was gradually ascending while the music blasted her spirit. It was so loud that possessed everyone, and for some reason, everything seemed to be connected for once. People on the dance floor danced along with the slow song while she watched, not caring about not being dancing. People sitting at the tables tried to talk without words while the spell of the song got into them as much and it got into her. For a second, she wondered what was so horrible about those places. People playing pool and laughing, people dancing, all under the dark, all under the spell of good lyrics, impressive videos and confusing lights. All under the spell of the British night.

She glazed at this couple, the girl looked kind of like her, maybe a little bit younger, and he was kissing her softly while she was shaking. Brenda was sure that the girl was not old enough to be there but it seemed cruel to interrupt such a beautiful scene. The guy looked a lot like Dylan, which was funny, in a way. She had been thinking about him all day long since he got there in the morning. She had thought that she was going to jump to his arms as soon as he got out of the plain but no. When she saw him, she didn't feel…she didn't feel love. She felt, comprehension, appreciation. She felt homesick but she didn't feel what she used to feel when she saw her. However, everything reminded to him, it seemed like her brain had locked Dylan's memory deep down in her soul and allowed her to move on, and her heart, at the same time, was trying to keep Dylan alive.

"Having fun?" A well-known voice said behind her back. She turned around and saw Jesse. She gave him a weird look and he smiled.

"What are you doing here?" She asked trying not to sound rude.

"Well, I can't go home…I'm not supposed to live there, remember?" Jesse reminded her with a funny voice tone. "This is the only place I felt like going to"

Brenda smiled, glad that he was there. He sat down and stared at her with a funny look

"What?" She asked rather annoyed.

"Aren't you gonna put me a drink?"

"Only if you say please"

"Please?"

"Not convincing enough"

"Please, Princess Brenda"

"Ah, good boy" Brenda laughed giving him a beer. He drank slowly and put it down. "Funny huh?"

"What was that?" Brenda asked. She was cleaning up a coke that herself had knocked off earlier on. "I'm sorry I wasn't listening"

"Funny how you have everyone just running somewhere"

"What do you mean?" She stopped cleaning and stared at him. He looked extremely sexy that night, maybe it was because she was down, or maybe because, the lights made his white T-Shirt shine while his skin remained in the darkness. He opened his mouth trying to explain himself and Brenda laughed; his teeth were shiny too.

"Sorry," Brenda apologized.

"Don't apologize for laughing" Jesse laughed. "Do I look funny?"

"Yeah, you do"

"You too. Anyway, the running thing. Well, this kid, is obviously in love with you and he is running after you. You family is trying to get you back, and you, you are running away from all of them. You seem to be running towards them and then, suddenly, backing off" Jesse explained. "What happened that was so bad back in Beverly hills?"

"Nothing really. I mean, many things, I don't know Jesse, it just seems hard okay. You don't understand it"

"What about him?"

"Dylan?" Brenda guessed. "I don't know either"

"Well, what do you feel for him? Don't you love him?"

"I don't know. I thought I did, but now, everything seems so different" Brenda started thinking about it, and all of the sudden, it was like if a light had appeared in her mind. "You know what? Things are not different. They all look the same, it's me the one that's different. I've realized, I think…that, I'm not that person anymore, Jesse, I've changed" Brenda said that last thing having mixed emotions, part of her, was proud for the very first time since she had gotten there, part of her wanted to leave everything behind but in the other hand, she was scared of change.

"Scary huh?" Jesse asked.

"Terrifying"

"I think you're right thought. You know, some people…they have to fall in the past. Some people, touch us during a time of our life and give us good memories, and that's what we actually keep, the memories. You know, I'm not saying that you have to leave your family behind…."

"No, you are talking about Dylan" Brenda said rather hurt.

"Actually, yes"

"Why do you care?"

"Because I hate seeing you cry"

"**_If everyone cared and nobody cried  
If everyone loved and nobody lied  
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride  
We'd see the day when nobody died"_**

They stared at each other for a second and then, she got another order so she left, although, she wondered. Was Jesse right? Should she leave Dylan behind? She went back to her spot and Jesse was there, waiting for her. He was staring at his beer without drinking it, it was half empty—or half full. It seemed like he was trying to figure something out.

"Jesse" She called him.

"Yes?"

"Why don't you go home?" Brenda purposed.

"I thought you didn't want me around, you know, your parents"

"Screw them, they have to realize what I am, love me for who I am, if they don't want to realize that I'm happy in London, that I want to be an actress and that I live with the weirdest guys in the world, then they can get heading back to LA because I am not going anywhere. I'm old enough to do what they want me to do." Brenda explained not believing that she was actually saying that stuff.

"That's the wisest thing you've ever said Bren" Jesse said, getting up. He held her tightly and kissed her cheek. "See you at home"

"One more thing," She called out.

"Yeah?"

"Don't be too hard on Dylan okay? He is…Dylan, and whether I like it or not he is a big part of my life" Brenda said. "I just don't know how big"

Jesse smiled. "It's okay. I'll be a nice guy, just for you" He winked.

"Thanks"

…

The rest of the night went by really fast, as any other night at the club. Although, she thought the Mckay, the thing was, Jesse was right. Gradually, the club started to get emptier and emptier until there was no one there and it was time to close. She cleaned up everything, it took her nearly an hour and a half, said goodbye to the people working with her, grabbed her coat and left.

She liked the club because it was right in the center of London, it was cold and it seemed like it was going to rain but it felt oddly good outside. The night was so clear that she could see all the stars, the constellations. Some of them were brighter and bigger than others, she wondered, maybe the people were stars, and life, was the dome, and in her life, she was the one who gave them their size and brightness. She sat in a bench, tired to go home, tired to keep walking, while she saw him; Dylan. He noticed her and waved her. She waved back.

He was wearing a sweatshirt with the hood over his head and jeans. "I was looking for you…but after 3 o'clock I sorta gave up. I was just walking around…" he explained.

"I just got off work"

"At six in the morning?"

Brenda laughed. "I work in a club"

"A real club, with alcohol and all?" Dylan asked amazed. "I didn't know you were such a party girl" He joked.

She gave him a friendly punch and they both laughed. "I like it, actually"

"Brenda" He suddenly said, getting more serious. "What are we?"

"Dylan I…" Brenda stared saying. "I have changed"

"I know you have, but so have I"

"Not like me. Dylan, everything is too different"

"It doesn't have to be different. You can move back…"

"No!" Brenda almost yelled. "Absolutely not"

"What's so good about his place?"

"Do you really want to know?" Brenda asked getting mad.

"Of course"

"You guys are not here" She stated.

Dylan stared at her without believing what she was saying. "what's the problem with us? You loved Beverly hills"

"Did I?" Brenda asked. "I don't know Dylan. It's not that I don't love Beverly hills, it's just, I love this more" Brenda explained looking around the deserted place. "Look around Dylan, the buildings, the places, this is magical. I can't give it up"

"What about us?"

"What's up with us?"

"You tell me! I'm the one who crossed the world to get you back!" Dylan exploded.

"You had two whole years to get me back Dylan, now, it's just late"

"What are you saying?" He asked without believing it. "Come on Bren, give us a shot!"

"Why?" She honestly asked. "Dylan, you always…it's always about you, you know? You are with me until you decide to go with someone else, and then, if you want your ex back, you just go to her door and get her back. It's always about what you feel Dylan, always about you…You get hurt, and you blame the other. It's not your fault Dylan, I loved you, I really did" Brenda was about to cry, and so was Dylan.

"You are the one thing I won't give up!" Dylan shook his head.

"I've already given you up" Brenda said, "Just let me go Dylan, let me go"

"NO!" Dylan denied. "I love you"

"Then let me go. Go back to Kelly…or whoever"

"It's you the one I want"

"You are not the one I want"

"Who do you want then, the pretty boy?" Dylan asked hurt.

"I want myself, at least, for a while"

"Liar!" Dylan stood up. "How can you not feel anything for me if I have been thinking about you, every night, every day…"

"You Dylan, You!" Brenda said. "I thought about you too, too much, I've realized I don't love you anymore!"

"But I can't let you go!" Dylan whined. "Please don't leave me. Please Brenda please, don't leave me, please!"

"There is nothing to leave" Brenda said standing up. "I'll see you in the morning…" She said this last thing and walked away.

"Don't!" He begged.

She didn't listen, she was already gone far out of reach.


	6. Guide Me

Electricity

Chapter 6

**Guide me**

Dylan didn't sleep much that night, in fact, he hadn't slept much lately. His mind was too busy thinking about what Brenda had told him a few nights ago. He had never seen their relationship that way. Sure Brenda was the only one that had made him really happy, but it was also true, that he had only thought about what was best for him. He had had time and opportunities to get her back, but what did he do? Nothing. He did nothing because he always knew Brenda would be there for him, secretly in love with him. He felt horribly ashamed of himself, because he realized that Brenda had always been the safe and right option, one of those things that he liked to ignore. Safe and Right weren't words that the McKay was familiar with. Things have changed so much, that much, that Brenda didn't love him anymore, and he was the one getting hurt. He lay back on his bed and looked out of the window. Brenda had made them stay in a hotel, which he didn't like very much. He had lived in one his whole life, and secretly he had hoped to have a family, maybe a big house, with kids and a puppy…well, maybe that was excessive, but he wouldn't have minded to live in an apartment with Brenda…just like Jesse. He had to admit it, he was jealous of the pretty boy. "How come he is better than me?" Dylan yelled out.

"Are you talking about me?" Brandon asked with a smile, getting out of the bathroom. He went to his closet and grabbed some clothes. "By the way, I used all the shampoo"

"Again?"

"What can I say? My hair needs lots of care!" Brandon said, looking at his "wonderful" hair in the mirror.

"Fine" Dylan said. He realized how much Brandon had in common with him. Something about that made him feel uncomfortable, and sort of understood what Brenda meant by saying, "It's always about you". But Brenda liked Brandon, so he didn't get what the problem was.

"What's wrong with you, dude?" Brandon asked.

"Can you please, stop doing that?" Dylan asked annoyed.

"Doing what?"

"Never mind. I'm going crazy…" Dylan said. He sat up and looked at his best friends. Brandon and Brenda had the same eyes, however, now he looked into Brandon's eyes, he realized how different they were from Brenda's. That was a picture he couldn't take away from his mind, Bren working at a bar, and liking it. Then, her eyes, they had a wild sparkle he had seen many times before, in fact, he saw it whenever he looked at himself in the mirror. "I'm not giving up on her"

"You've said that over a million times, and we are only going to stay here for five more days…you are kinda fucked, Dylan" Brandon said.

"Im staying"

"Yeah right"

"I really am"

Brandon stared at his best friend, and immediately knew he was serious. Dead serious. Dylan stood up and grabbed a coat. "See Minnesota, I_ can't_ live without your sister, I have no ambitions, not true ones, at least, there is nothing I want to do more than this, besides, London…is magical."

Brenda was awake long before her mother came into the room. Cindy looked around and rather smiled. It was different from Brenda's old room, but it was definitely Brenda. Instead of the preppy pink and white, the room was painted hot pink and what called her attention the most, was the ceiling, black and white squares. It sort of looked like a chess board. Cindy walked around the walls and saw all the pictures from London, as well as some pictures from Beverly Hills. She sighed and smiled, she never worried about Brandon being happy, because she knew, deep down, that Brandon would get used to everything, she knew that Brandon had an especial gift, he could find happiness everywhere. Brenda however, was more introvert, and needed time to get used to things. The day Brenda came home, telling she had new friends and even liked a guy, Cindy only got worried, secretly worried that Brenda would get hurt. Brenda had always been a very vulnerable person, at least, in that way. Or so Cindy though, because, in reality, Brenda had become really strong in the past few months…

Brenda stared at her mom, in silence, wondering what she was thinking, wondering if her mom approved her new life, her decision of staying there, instead of going back to Beverly Hills. Cindy sat next to Brenda, and stroked her daughter's hair. She realized it felt stronger and smoother than usually. Her baby had grown up, and she wasn't sure about her role as a mother anymore.

"Hey, Bren" Cindy said. "I just came…to let you know, that I love you" Cindy started to explain. Kali, Bren´s friend ,had told her how scared Brenda was about them not liking, or approving her lifestyle. Something that Cindy considered stupid, because how on earth would Brenda disappoint them? "and I am so proud of the woman you are becoming, I feel so...blessed with you and your brother in my life, and hey, I don't care what you do, as long as you are happy, and come around home, wherever that is, just to say hi,"

Brenda's eyes grew open, and her eyes watered. How could she have been so stupid? "I don't know why you didn't want us to come around but…" Cindy went on. "We love you, above your friends and that McKay guy, we love you, and we will always love you no matter what…"

Cindy kissed her daughter's head and stood up, like waiting for an answer, but Brenda didn't dare to move. Her mother, among the others, always thought that the matter where themselves, but how could she know, that to Brenda, there wasn't any matter with her family, it was just, her. There is a time when you stop living your parents life, and start living your own. That moment, however, always comes when we are less ready for it.

Brenda waited until her mom walked out of the apartment, and then, looked out of the window, it was early in the morning, but she was used to sleep until, at least, until one o'clock, so it seemed even earlier. She got up and went to her closet, and a new dilemma came. She had her Beverly Hills preppy clothes, and her London clothes. On a normal day, she wouldn't have had a doubt, but that week…that week had been full of doubts. She had been jumping from one style to another, and, decided that none of them really suited her, after all. In the end, she decided to combine both styles, looking for a balance in between two worlds that could not possibly be balanced. She didn't even test herself in the mirror, she just walked out of the room with an unusual self confidence. The first thing she saw, was Jesse, watching TV all alone.

"Your mom was just here" he said without taking his eyes off the TV.

"I know"

"She is pretty nice, and hot."

"Jesse, if it has boobs, you think it's hot"

Jesse turned around to see her, but only saw her back crossing the door and slamming it. Though, he had enough time to notice a change in his friend, and he couldn't help but follow her.

Jesse had been almost chasing her all over London, and kept on noticing how this strange behaviour kept going weirder. He chased her all over the place, including coffee stores, clothes stores, music stores, RADA, the park, Buckingham, the Big Ben, even museums. It was almost dark now, and Brenda would have to go to work pretty soon, unless of course, it was her day off, he never knew about those things. He wondered if Dylan knew…the McKay seemed to know everything about Brenda, but he, Jesse, didn't know anything about her, and that mysterious halo around Brenda seemed to make her even more attractive to Jesse.

"We will she stop?" Jesse thought. "She knows London better than me, and I have lived here my whole damn life!"

Suddenly, Brenda stopped at the Oxford Street, in front of Hamleys, the toy store. Brenda walked in and stopped where the Teddy Bears where. Slowly, she grabbed one, looked at it and put it back. She did the same about seven times. Finally, she grabbed a Teddy Bear, about 18 inch big. Jesse knew it was his moment.

"I didn't know you still liked Teddy Bears" he said. Brenda didn't even turned around.

"You would be surprised" Brenda admitted.

Jesse grabbed another bear that was out of Brenda's reach. "This one is softer. See? Cuddling approved!"

Brenda laughed. "You are an idiot"

"Wow. You are becoming a hard core girl"

"Maybe, I have always been one"

"I don't think so. A couple of months ago you would have called me goof"

"That's called being polite"

"Or preppy…depends on whose view"

"What about your view?"

"My brain has shut down because of my view"

"Which is?"

"I didn't know you were such a good flirter"

"I didn't know you were such a bad one"

"Wow. That hurt"

"Oh sorry, do you want a teddy bear? Cuddling approved"

Jesse was now cracking up. "Sure, I like cuddling."

"With Bears?"

"I would rather to cuddle with pretty ladies"

"Pretty, like you, pretty boy?"

"More like you, stunning girl"

Brenda turned around and met Jesse's eyes. During a brief second, Brenda really thought about kissing him. But again, Dylan's face came to her mind. Jesse understood and looked at her, straight into her eyes. He caressed her check and smiled tenderly.

"You know I care about you" Jesse said. "so don't put me into this, okay?"

"Into what?" Brenda asked.

"You love McKay, but do you like him? There are many types of love, Brenda. Sometimes, we love someone we don't like, and that love, only makes us grieve. For what I have seen, Dylan has brought you more doubts and sorrow than confidence and happiness, so are you still torturing yourself, Bren? Don't you see how beautiful and talented you are? Don't you see that any guy would be honoured to hold you in his arms? Yet, you want the only one who doesn't get how precious you are."

Brenda was speechless. There was nothing she could have done, or said to give Jesse half of the happiness he had given her. Nothing but that light in her eyes, that shinned again. Jesse kissed her forehead and pulled her into a tight hug. Brenda buried her head in Jesse's arm and said,

"I don't love Dylan"

"Then, what's the matter?"

"Well, nothing really. I'm just trying to…I don't know. There are many changes and I just want to get used to everything here, and it's kinda hard when you have a constant reminder. I just…I want, like a guide…really. I know it sounds childish, but…what the…?" Brenda stopped speaking as her cell phone started ringing…

"Hello?"

"_Brenda, it's me!"_

"Dylan?"

Brenda didn't get the next thing Dylan said. His voice sounded totally out of himself and the angst, seemed to be leaving her ex boyfriend out of air. "Dylan, hold on I cant understand you" Brenda pleaded.

"_It´s…"_

"Who? What's wrong? What's going on?"

"Brandon…he has had an accident"

Brenda´s heart broke into a thousand pieces. Her lungs seemed to be full of acid and her brain didn't process any other feeling that, grief. She felt a huge impact against her chest, even though nothing had really touched her. She took her hands over her heart and let go of the teddy bear that fell on the ground, stared by a very petrified Jesse, who didn't know what to say this time. Brenda couldn't help but fall on her knees, looked up to the roof, and thought what she had been thinking all day long, "_Please, God, guide me…"_

_**Im really sorry for the long wait and I just hope you are still with me. Im really, really sorry it took me so long to update, but I needed to redirect many things, and its not always easy…I just hope you enjoyed this tiny chapter…and thanks for waiting, if you have.**_

_**Anna Coulter. **_


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